I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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