I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My balls are so social today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
