Sorry, I don't speak sober.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
3 2 1 whiskey
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
