We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
