you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
