So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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