What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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