I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize