plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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