Im at strip club and am horny
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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