question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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