NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
