conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
