i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
