I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
