Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
