how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
