I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize