Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Less talking, more tequila
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
