Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
