textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
