If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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