i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
