u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
