i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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