Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
