And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
