My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize