"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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