Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
