the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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