We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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