I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
