she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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