you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
