woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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