College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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