when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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