I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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