you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
