I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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