I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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