There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
