Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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