I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
