It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I will pee on everything he values.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
