plz talk dirty to me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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