Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found your dick twin last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
