you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
