Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
