i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bring me that man meat
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
