he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
