fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
