Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have aggressive nipples.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
