If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
