Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
