I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
