I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
