Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
