He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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