Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
