If i could tip my vagina, i would.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize