the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
