someone get that fucking seahorse.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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