I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just pee around me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
