carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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