my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
