Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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