Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
