WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
