Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
