In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
