I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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