I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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