This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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