I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
