I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
