so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
