if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize