My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
