Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
