we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
