Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize