meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
