Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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