I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
