he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
