if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
