I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
