There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we made out on top of his cat.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
