I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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