I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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