I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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