I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You ruined the universe
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
