i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
