i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
