I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
