if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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