would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
