i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
