yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
