Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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