This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
